You’d think getting a decent pair of running shorts would be easy. There’s not much I look for in running shorts. In fact, I think less is more. Am I the only runner who doesn’t want pants built into my running shorts? It would appear so.
And here lies my Running Short Story:
Once upon a time there was a young lad who didn’t do much exercise. Let’s call him Dan.
Dan had always been a bit bookish and a shocking lack of hand-eye co-ordination meant he only dabbled in ball sports, before deciding to hang up his shorts.
Fortunately, Dan was one of those people who could eat anything and not put on weight – even though he wasn’t exercising at all – but he knew this special power wouldn’t last forever. “I need to do something to get fit” he thought, before continuing with his sedentary work at the computer, munching his way through a chocolate bar and bag of crisps. Or two. Maybe even three if he was having a bad day.
Then a number of years later, with hair receding, Dan stumbled into a magical world. This world was full of an eclectic mix of people. Friendly and mental in equal measures, these people would embark on adventures big and small, some fast, some slow, but all riding on some sort of psychedelic high. These people called themselves “Runners”.
“Hmmm,” pondered Dan, “I’m not sure about this but they seem to be having a good time.” And with that, Dan rooted around and found his old shorts.
They hadn’t seen action in a long time and were plain and simple, but they’d be just right. A nice length and, when combined with Dan’s lucky pants, they provided adequate support with no chaffing. What more could he wish for?
As time passed, Dan started to spend more of his time in this magical world of the “Runners” and soon the Washing Fairy (the kind and generous sprite that quietly, and without compensation, removes all the dirt and smells from your running attire) just didn’t have enough magic (or time) to keep up. She left Dan a note:
“Oi mate, you’re eeva gonna av to do less runnin or get more shorts or dis gig is gonna stop. Right?”
There was no way Dan was going sacrifice his new found exhilaration so he set off for Hell, or as you might know it: The Shops.
Dan managed to find an ideal pair of shorts – even better than his two trusty pairs. This new pair had pockets in abundance; two with poppers and one with a zip.
“Awesome!” Dan yelled excitedly in the knowledge he could tackle his biggest running adventure yet: The Marathon! That was until a second note arrived:
“Wo, wo , wo! Dis is gettin outta hand. Ow many ands do you fink I’ve got? It’s more shorts or you need anuvva Washing Fairy.”
This time, Dan confidently strode into Hell, cockily thinking, “I found a decent pair of shorts last time – I can do it again. This is going to be easy.” Oh how wrong Dan was.
Shop after shop he visited, and shop after shop Dan left empty handed. Not because they had no shorts – oh, they had plenty of shorts, but in the time that had passed all the shorts had grown an extra layer. They all had integral pants or were now Siamese shorts, claiming to be “2-in-1”.
“I just want a normal pair of shorts. Ones I can run in. Perhaps some that have a couple of pockets. And maybe with a little zippy pocket to put a key in. But without the unnecessary extra pants or additional shorts-within-shorts. I have my own pants! Is this so much to ask?” he cried.
And it would appear it is.
Even the Washing Fairy felt sorry for Dan and scoured the shops, both in real life and the Other World that is “Online”. Even she, with all her magic and that, left the shops empty handed. Sometimes with funny looks after sticking her hands up every pair of shorts in the shop.
At least she could check for herself in the real shops. Even when the Gods of “Online” told her there were shorts with no pants she was disappointed. Those cheeky Gods had tricked her.
And the tale of woe continues; Dan continues to run in his old, tired shorts. The Washing Fairy continues to wash them with her
old magically-never-ageing yet tired hands. They both wait, longing for the day that a simple pair of shorts are found that allows Dan to run in his lucky pants.
Do you know where Dan can get some elusive shorts-but-with-no-pants-or-secondary-shorts? Do you pant up inside shorts with their own pants? Do you use the integral pant without real pants? Is Dan alone in wanting to run in his own, lucky pants? Do you make or supply shorts with no integral pants? If not, why not?! If you do, perhaps you can help Dan train for, and run his marathon for African Children’s Fund in shorts-without-integral-pants?